


I thought heaven can't help me now, nothing lasts forever, but this is gonna take me down

by BoldlyLuckyCheesecake



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: AU: 50's actors, Bottom!Bucky, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, M/M, Minor Sharon Carter/Steve Rogers, Sorry Not Sorry, inspired by T swift, is there even stucky without pining? debatable., it has been suggested this is "porn with very very little plot", of course pinning, there is sharon / steve but don't be concerned, this is totes stucky, top!steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-04-28 00:34:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5071078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoldlyLuckyCheesecake/pseuds/BoldlyLuckyCheesecake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Did anyone else watch T Swifts "Wildest Dreams" video and immediately think: but what about this with more STUCKY?!  no one?  that was just me?  bummer, because here it is!</p>
<p>Originally shamelessly inspired by Taylor Swifts music video for Wildest Dreams.  However it has spiraled a bit out of control and is now only loosely based on it in terms of love story and filming location, ha.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I can see the end as it begins

“Alright everyone, that’s a wrap for the last NY scene. All cast members and travel company will have two days off to rest before we leave for the safari scenes. We have three weeks to get all our filming done and our flight home is non-negotiable…we’re just lucky that our illustrious backer was able to talk our way into the countries for filming. I want you all to rest up and be ready to hit the ground running when we get there. Those members staying here: these aren’t three weeks of vacation! We have to do the final wrap-up scenes and I will be damned if any of you gets an injury or a sunburn that will delay production. Barnes, Rogers: stay back so you can get your paperwork and tickets squared away. Everyone else dismissed.” 

Director Coulson was already absorbed in the sorting out the paperwork in front of him as the cast members filed out around him following a brief applause. James leaned back in his chair to wait for the room to empty out before he approached, taking the time to kiss his favorite female co-star Natalia on the cheek as she passed with assurances that he would meet her at their favorite club as soon as he could escape. After a few moments there was no one else in the room except for the director, the lead and his on-and-off-screen girl. 

James tried to tamper down his annoyance at the length of goodbye she felt was necessary; he would be free to meet up with her in ten minutes, tops! Did that really necessitate the hair-petting and cheek-stroking that was occurring on the other side of the room? James thought not, however not really being an expert at the art of women he couldn’t be positive. He cleared his throat, hoping that Coulson would snap out of his own little world and hand him his papers so he could drink away his annoyance with the burning sting of a whiskey. 

No such luck from the director, however Steve did jump and had the decency to sheepishly send an apologetic glance in his co-stars direction before encouraging Miss Carter out the door. James rolled his eyes but couldn’t deny the tiny flickerings of joy him choosing James over Sharon had stirred. Though he couldn’t deny it he did try to quiet it as fast as possible. He couldn’t let himself have even a tiny stirring of hope if he was going to finish this movie from hell.

And truly, it was a movie from hell. In fact, it wasn’t even a movie from hell but rather a movie that had been crafted by the devil himself, filmed in hell and choreographed by flying monkeys (or whatever hell-creatures looked like). 

\-----------------

The plot of the movie wasn’t bad at all: two city boys who had grown up together as best friends are thrown into the grips of WWII. One was drafted and was immediately promoted to Sargent, while the other desperately enlisted to not be left without his friend. The two are sent to different areas of Europe while the enlisted soldier climbs the ranks to Captain following a spate of heroic deeds. Through sheer luck they end up being thrown into the same battle (and even though it is a war film, James would have to white-knuckle through a lie that he had been dry-eyed while reading the script of their reunion scene for the first time). Following the success in Europe, both are informed they will be part of Operation Torch’s leadership. This was what really set this movie apart from the spate of other WWII movies which had been coming out since seemingly the day the war had ended…the inclusion of the North African campaign and on-site filming (well, they couldn’t really get to the battle-sites to film, but the financial backer had decided “any” part of Africa would work and they “needed to get enough scenes of wild animals to prove they were really there”). 

James couldn’t really complain about the majority of the movie, it had everything he had found lacking in the more recent projects he had participated in: fighting, an emotional role where he could showcase his true talents, and the trip of a life-time for the filming. There were only two problems with the movie: one Steve Rogers and two Sharon Carter. 

There was nothing wrong in theory with Sharon. She was a tremendously smart lady, with legs to die for and a perfectly stained smirk that would make men’s knees shake with want and a look that assured you she could kill you and no one would ever find your body. She was also one of the biggest movie stars in the world right now, so James should have been grateful just to share some of her limelight. However James was anything but grateful, in fact if there was a polar opposite of grateful he’d be that. Looking at her caused ice to run through his veins while his stomach filled with snakes. He actually hadn’t even looked her in the eyes since the second week of filming, a bizarre reaction that originally Coulson had demanded he work on but then improvised it to be a tick of the character. The main problem with Sharon Carter was that she was going steady with problem number one Steve Rogers.

James had always known that he was not normal. All through middle school he dutifully carried Stacie McConnel’s books home from school every day, getting increasingly confused when she tried to hold his hand. Once in the spring she demanded to know why he handed her books back cheerfully every day without ever trying to kiss her. The truth was that he had never had a desire to kiss her and even just the thought of touching his lips to her pink, glossy ones led him to feel absolutely no excitement. Not like earlier that morning when he had been horsing around with the boys in his grade, wrestling in the school yard and let his eyes slide down to his buddy Tim’s split-lip and found himself wondering how his thin, red lips would feel against his and if they’d taste like copper. He was extremely sure that neither of these were an acceptable answer though, so he mumbled something about not wanting to be improper before giving her a small kiss on the cheek and hastily retreating. This was the turning point in young James’ life: the moment where he realized that in order to pass as “normal” he would not be able to just play a portion of the part, he would have to follow through: lipstick kisses and all. 

Being gay in the 1950’s wasn’t an impossibility and he was relieved that he was able to continue with little to no problems once he was making a name for himself in the film world. He had his share of lovers, those that were true lovers and those who were a simple fuck, the only problem was the elaborate web of lies he had to spin to keep all the juggled plates from crashing to the ground. Following his young-self’s mantra he began to date girls regularly, always having one on his arm and being the perfect gentleman. He tried to make sure they had a good time, but he always felt a little bit bad so he tried not to let a single illusion last too long. This plan was confirmed the time he lost his virginity to a girl when he was 19 and they had been dating for long enough that it was beyond expected. While she lay waiting he was only able to get it up stroking himself and thinking aggressively impure thoughts about the boy he shared a desk with. It was by closing his eyes and thinking of fisting his hands in short black hair and imaged what his scruffy cheek would feel like rubbing against his neck that James was able to complete the deed. After she left he cried for an hour. 

After that mistake he never let his relationship illusions with women reach their crescendo and always was careful to break it off when he realized that she was beginning to develop stronger feelings for him. He knew this wasn’t even remotely moral, but it was how things had to be done in this day and age and as the years flew by his bargaining over his immortal soul slowly went a bit quieter. Eventually he found a lady stage performer who was in a similar position. The sweet actress had a wonderful Boston marriage with a girl she had met during a stint working at a diner and she was more than happy to provide stability and security for the both of them for as long as she could. Following her advice he began seeking out women in the same clubs he would find fellows in and now his relationships were based on a mutual agreement upon secrecy and deceit, something he was very comfortable in. 

He knew that his previous womanizing days would come back to haunt him and that he would not escape this life without paying for all the heart-break he had doled out, so he had no choice but to accept his fate when Steve Rogers walked in to hand out the punishment. To his credit, Steve had no idea he was doing this at all, and he probably would have been absolutely wrecked about it because he was such a gosh-darn good guy through and through. 

James had known who Steve was, who didn’t these days? Not only had he become Hollywood’s go-to-male for virtually any lead role, but the amount of community work he did, especially for veterans of the very war they were turning into art, was legendary. Few knew him personally but those who did said he was like the personification of a ray of sunshine, always willing to carve time out of his busy schedule to listen to a friend or to help a stranger. James never had a chance. 

Originally he was over-the-moon to be cast across from the real life knight-in-shining-armor but that quickly turned to despair when Steve had suggested spending some quality time together so they would be able to portray friends from diapers convincingly. James had been around good looking men before, in fact he wasn’t too shabby himself. But Steve was an Adonis. He was twice as sweet as everyone had made him out to be and James found himself getting lost in his blue eyes as Steve would quietly ask him questions about his childhood and his passions. He portrayed none of the empty sympathy when James mentioned his father dying in the war and only briefly squeezed his hand in a sign of support while his eyes conveyed his compassion. 

Not only was he a fantastic listener, but his world viewers were unreal. How did a person like him exist? He wasn’t just sunshine personified, he was every heroic feeling and good-deed in the world personified. James was pretty convinced that Steve would not be happy until every single person on the planet was fully happy before him. It was when Steve was bashfully telling James about his childhood of getting beaten up to step in front of a young immigrant boy even tinier than himself that James realized how well and truly fucked he was. With Steve colors seemed brighter, smells were stronger and James had never walked around with such a huge smile on his face. He even found himself trying to right small wrongs he had seen (which hopefully balanced out for the excessive amount of jacking off he was doing so that he could he could try to keep a straight face when Steve would throw his arm around James while they walked or would grab his chest during an extremely loud laugh). So fucked.

But ironically he didn’t even realize just the extent to which he was fucked until he discovered that he had missed two major things with the film: that the character Steve played had a love interest (what can he say, he didn’t really read the parts of the script that didn’t feature him) and that said love interest would be played by none-other than Steve’s girl in real life. When they had been hanging out Steve had barely mentioned her and she can’t have come up in conversations more than once or twice. James knew she was there, but since he never had to see her or interact with her he could pretend that she didn’t exist in their little world. 

It was drastically different watching her drape herself over him constantly, through all the filming and all the down-time. He had tried being friendly at the beginning, though his smiles were hollow and his laughter sounded fake even to his own ears, but as the filming days grew more tedious he didn’t care to put the energy into it. Thus began his “temper-tantrum” as Couslon had referred to it as. Coulson ended up believing that it was because James actually had a thing for Sharon and was taking it out on her for choosing Steve, which could not have been further from the truth and was actually laughable. But the lie worked well and James did nothing to stop the rumor from spreading for fear of Steve finding out the truth and refusing to finish the movie with him. 

Bizarrely Steve spent just as much time with James as before and they became even closer throughout the shooting in NY and he had expressed tons of enthusiasm for the “guy time” they were going to get with the on-scene shooting. That was the light at the edge of this dark tunnel, that due to budgetary constraints not even Sharon would be coming over with them and it would be back to the two of them once more. James was counting down the minutes until the plane took off and he could take his three weeks of fantasy before coming back to this reality, finishing the film, and moving on with his life. 

\---------------------

While Steve wandered over to James, the later couldn’t ignore the tiny wrinkle which was currently taking up residence between Steve’s eyebrows and stared at it, wanting to smoosh it down with his thumb and cover it with a kiss; a Greek god shouldn’t be wandering around with a worry line, it just wasn’t right. Just as he was trying to get some small talk going and ignoring the pain in his stomach that stupid wrinkle had caused Coulson called them over and proceeded with business.

After twenty minutes of last minute paper work, triple checking the tickets, confirming pick-up times for the car service two days from then and some handshakes the two walked out the door together.  
“Well,” Steve began awkwardly, holding out his hand for a shake “I guess I’ll see you soon?” 

“You bet on it, you punk. Like I would miss a chance to fly on not one, not two, but three pre-paid flights to go on the trip of a lifetime, even if it is your ugly mug in the seat next to me” James smirked in response, refusing the handshake and going for a hug. What the hell, they got two days off, he could deserve to be a little bit indulgent. 

“Sounds great James, take care! Do something fun but not too fun tonight” Steve replied accompanying a look that James couldn’t even begin to decipher. Unfortunately it started up the pit of snakes which had taken up residence in his stomach at the thought of what “fun things” he and Sharon would probably get up to the next few days so they could stand to be apart for 3 weeks. If asked later James would declare that it was the snakes which had taken up permanent residence in his stomach which encouraged him to snap “I will, have fun taking care of Carter, see ya around” as he turned promptly and stalked away from Steve. 

It was childish and juvenile but he couldn’t help it. And if he stopped by one of his old haunts and let himself be pulled into the bathroom and pushed against a wall by a towering hunk of man who looked a lot like Steve on his way to meet Natalia, that was another thing he couldn’t help.

 

Three weeks with nothing but his dream guy in a safari paradise. It sounded like a dream come true, but he knew the truth: he was done for.


	2. he's so tall and handsome as hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully no one has been here for real plot...here's a bunch of smut!

                There was a malfunction with one of the cameras and the actors were given the entire afternoon off.  James was planning to spend the entire few hours getting reacquainted with his bed following the crazy shooting schedule they’d been on for the past few days.  It seemed as if Coulson was desperately trying to get as much done as possible before things began inevitably going wrong on their short time-line, at this rate they would be done a week early.  It appeared Steve had other plans though, as he popped his head into James’ tent and scoffed at him laying on his bed.

“C’mon James, you can’t seriously be sleeping away our golden afternoon.  Let’s get out of here and do some sight-seeing.”

James only moved his mouth into a considerable pout without giving Steve the satisfaction of opening his eyes.  He had spent a good portion of a flight letting his mind wander to a particular cliché fantasy of wandering around the wilderness with Steve: maybe the car breaks down, maybe then there’s a rainstorm, maybe following that they somehow end up giggling under a tree for protection and stripping their dripping wet shirts off…Before he is ripped back to reality as a pillow slapped down onto his face. 

“What the hell, Steve?  Why can’t you just leave me here and you can go get your rocks off looking at lions or whatever is on your agenda today?”

“James, you can’t be serious.  The entire trip here you wouldn’t shut up about your Africa bucket-list.  Now I’ll give you five minutes to change into something for roaming around while I sweet talk the mechanic into letting us borrow the Jeep.”

James waited until Steve about-faced out of his tent before bothering to move to not give him the satisfaction.  He also took a few more minutes to lay there wondering if Steve even realized that the commanding voice he’d used was much more suited to his Captain character.  And fuck if the thought of Steve being himself wasn’t hot enough, the thought of Steve ordering him around as Captain sure was.  He’d always been a bit bossy in his lovemaking, but the idea of being bossed around by Steve was making his blood run a little hot. 

When any visible signs of his distraction were gone he slowly got up and began pulling on clothing.  He was just finished when Steve burst his head through the tent flap to assess the situation.  He hummed approvingly and pulled his head back out.  “Haven’t you heard of knocking, Steve?  Jesus.”

“Had to make sure you were actually up and at ‘em.  Got the Jeep, let’s split.”

 

                                                                                                  -----------------------------------------------------------------

 

As James sat back on the car hood he didn’t know what view was better: that of the plains spread out below him with a herd of elephants slowly meandering across in the afternoon sun or the radiant grin on Steve’s face as he turned back to share a glance full of wonder at James.  Jesus Christ, it wasn’t even fair how that white shirt hung off his massive shoulders.  Pleased with the small smile James had given him in return Steve turned back around to continue looking at the scene.  James indulged in the view of Steve’s back unabashedly.  Steve had his right hand up, shielding his eyes from the glare leaving his other hand to tuck into his front pocket.  The light linen shirt was tucked into his pants just right to frame his unbelievably small waist and accentuate his tight ass.  James groaned internally imagining how those thick, strong thighs would feel tightening between his hands and ached to run his fingers along those taunt calves. 

He had naively hoped that maybe this trip would show a fracture in Steve’s perfect façade which would allow James to move on once they returned.  Unfortunately for the later this trip had done nothing but show what a truly _good person_ Steve was.  The childlike wonder in his eyes at every new encounter with wildlife and the sincere honesty and appreciation he showed for all the cast members and any town’s people he had met.  Steve even had no problem signing autograph after autograph every time their plane touched down, even when James knew he hadn’t slept in days.  Here, without the opportunity to split his Steve-feelings between throat-closing adoration for the man and completely undisguised contempt for his other half, he was realizing his mistake as he spent 24-hours a day with a catch in his chest alternating only with a throbbing in his pants. 

James didn’t realize that he had been lost in thoughts until he heard Steve calling his name and noticed that now his eyes were focused on the front of Steve’s knees as he turned facing him.  Shit, hopefully Steve didn’t realize that James had been staring at his ass with his mouth hanging open for the past who-knows-how-long.

James was 80% sure that Steve had asked him something due to the face he was sporting and the fact that he had now knelt down to see eye-to-eye with him. 

“I’m fine Steve, just started thinking and zoned out a bit there.  Nothing to worry about” James took a stab in the dark as an acceptable answer to whatever Steve could have asked.

“Ah, I thought I smelled something burning...you better not think too hard!” Steve replied as he patted James’ shoulder and sat up on the hood next to him.  “Ha. Ha. You better not quit this acting thing, I don’t think you could ever make it writing your own stuff Shakespeare” James replied while trying not to dwell on the fact that Steve had abandoned his hand on his shoulder.  This man was the sun with how much heat he radiated!

“You know, James, I’m not really sure how to bring something up but I wanted to talk to you…” Steve began as he removed his hand from James’ shoulder and pointedly looked back across to the meandering herd.  “Sure Stevie, what’s on your mind?” James squeezed out through his tightening throat.  Not a single conversation that ended well started out with those words.  Steve must have figured out he was gay.  But the question is had he figured out his feelings towards Steve?  He began trying to figure out how to salvage their working relationship at least while multitasking to ward off a panic attack.

Steve just glanced back at him before issuing a low sigh and looking in the other direction again.  A minute went by.  Two minutes.  James knew because of how long he sat feeling his heart race.

One more minute. 

“STEVE, goddammit, SPIT IT OUT!” James finally choked out while jumping off the hood of the Jeep.  “I have no idea what you’re going to say but you can’t just lead in with something like that and leave me hanging, I’m suffocating over here!  Jesus.”

James hadn’t meant to lose his temper this badly, but he did feel a bit of satisfaction in seeing Steve’s shocked face. 

“Alright, alright.  That’s fair.  I just didn’t know where to start….” Steve trailed off but a quick glance at the James’ face completely blank face led him to continue.   “You know over the last few months of making this movie I’ve really gotten to know you, and you’ve really become a strong presence in my life.  This trip has been really nice, getting to spend all my time with you…just you…”

James continued to stare him down; there was no way Steve could possibly be saying what James wanted him to say.  “Just me?  You must be missing Sharon…must be pretty lonely without her here.”

“Ugh.  Sharon is…well, I’m not sure how to describe it.  I don’t just want to spend time with her.  She’s nice and easy on the eyes and any man would be lucky to have her…but my heart just doesn’t skip beats when I’m with her.  She’s a good counterpart and a good partner, but there isn’t that spark.” 

“…so it’s nice to get a small reprieve from the relationship pressures, I get that…but it could be with anyone, not just me” James probed.

“No James…” Steve replied as he finally made eye contact with him, “it couldn’t be just anyone.  You’re one of the best, most kind men I’ve ever met, and I trust you implicitly.  I don’t think I’m the only one who feels this spark between us, but if I’ve somehow misunderstood the situation I trust we’ll be able to move past this?”  Steve slowly slid his hand into James’ and tightened his fingers in his grasp. 

James felt his heart start beating double-time as he stared at their intertwined hands.  There was no way this was happening…he must be on the verge of a heat-stroke.  As if watching from out of body experience he saw Steve slowly raise their hands to his mouth, gently running James’ knuckles across his cheek before kissing the back of his palm.  A rush of breath left James in a huff as he struggled to come to grips with what was happening.  “Is this a yes?  Are you feeling for me as well James?” Steve began inquiring as James’ continued to stare blankly at him.  Steve had been quite confident this was not unrequited but was becoming unsure as the seconds went by.

Suddenly James snapped back to himself as he used their clasped hands to hold Steve’s against his face.  Nuzzling into it and taking a deep breath of the spicy cologne which Steve always dabbed on his wrist.  “What about Sharon?”

“…I don’t know if I can promise anything right now…I haven’t thought that far honestly.  All I know is that we have a couple of weeks left to ourselves and then we can cross that bridge when we come to it? I understand if that is not agreeable to you though…” Steve trailed off, using his thumb still pressed to James’ face to gently stroke along his strong jawbone. 

James always knew he was in trouble with this trip.  He knew he signed up to spend a few weeks pinning for the man that he had fallen for before going back to their reality.  He wasn’t dumb; he knew this was going to hurt.  It was always going to hurt though, would he be able to live with himself if he turned down this chance even if it meant more pain upon return? 

One look into Steve’s shocking blue eyes, so vulnerable after their conversation, made his decision for him: to hell with it.  He used their still-clasped hands to pull Steve against him and gently placed a kiss upon his lips.  For how incredibly chaste the kiss was, Steve’s groan was anything but: heady and full of deeper intention that made a rush of heat go through James’ veins.

Steve deepened the kiss while pulling James between his legs and wrapping his arms around his chest.  James still couldn’t get his head wrapped around what was happening, but figured that he’d give it his all so he could wake up from this dream with no regrets.  As their kissing picked up intensity they began rutting against each other with hands roaming the others back.  Steve broke away to apologize “I’m so sorry, this isn’t like me at all…I like to take my time, but I have thought of nothing but how you taste for days and I’m not sure I can resist unless we stop this now while we’re ahead.”  James answered that by pulling him into a filthy kiss and grabbing at Steve’s growing erection through the front of his pants.

Steve tangled his fingers in the hair at the back of James’ neck and moved his head to slot their lips closer together.  His fingers caught in some strands and he ended up pulling James hair a bit, causing James to gasp around a moan.  “Hmm…that’s interesting…” Steve smirked “you like having your hair pulled, hm?” as he grasped a handful of hair and pulled James’ face back a little rougher than before.  “Hngg..” James replied intelligently as a shiver ran through his body…oh yes, dear God, let Steve have a little bite behind that mask…

“Oh James, oh _baby_ , you’re just a dream come true…” Steve replied while he began laying kisses interspersed with tiny bites along James’ presented neck.  James couldn’t form any words in response to that and just focused on the feeling of Steve progressing down his neck while trying to hold back his whimpers.  He doubted he did a good job as he felt Steve stilling and sucking in breaths of his own following the really desperate sounding whimpers escaped.

James made no protest as Steve slowly began unbuttoning his shirt, slipping his hands in rubbing up and down his defined chest and stomach while kissing each new inch of flesh that was exposed.  Steve made his way over to James’ nipple which he proceeded to lavish with kisses interspersed with kitten licks, bites and a shockingly strong sucking.  James couldn’t hold back his broken moan when Steve sucked on his nipple, lavishing it with his tongue and began to rub at him through his pants.   

With that James pushed him so he had his back against the Jeep door and dropped to his knees, pressing tiny, tickling kisses along his stomach as he began to undo his belt.  Steve glanced down at the sound of his belt hitting the ground and made eye contact through James through his ridiculously long lashes as James moaned openly around clothed dick which he was sliding his mouth along.  Steve swore under his breath and looked at the sky, appearing to do everything in his power not to cum like a high schooler fooling around for the first time before his pants were even properly off. 

Unfortunately this only fueled James’ fire, as he pulled down Steve’s briefs to join his pants along the ground exposing his _perfect_ cock and after a tiny lick of the head took as much of it as he could fit into his mouth.  “Jesus _Christ_ James…what the…you can’t just _do_ that, oh fuck.  Oh fuck…” Steve brokenly admonished as James simply raised his eyebrow in response and doubled his efforts, moaning obscenely around the cock in his mouth and using his tongue to massage along the sensitive band around the head.  “Oh fuck James….” Steve moaned, looking down at him through bleary eyes “You look fucking _perfect_ down there.  Look how nicely you take that dick, you were made for it, weren’t you?”  James closed his eyes for the praise and groaned in the back of his throat as he felt Steve’s fingers winding their way into his hair and pulling him off.  “Just look at you, look how fucking pretty you are James…how fucking pink your lips are, so puffy…” Steve trailed off as he took the base of his dick in one hand and held James’ head with the other hand, trailing the tip of himself gently over his lips, outlining them as he shook through the gentle sensations. 

While Steve had his eyes closed and continued to tease himself James frantically undid his pants and began roughly stroking himself.   Steve heard him and watched James tug at himself for a few moments with shallow breaths before he fed himself so far back into James’ mouth that he gagged a bit before moaning so good around Steve that he saw stars.  Steve pulled James back so that only the very tip remained in his mouth again, “What do you want doll?  You clearly like being on your knees for me, and you suck cock like a fucking dream” with that he allowed James to take him back into his mouth and swallow around him at his leisure while Steve clamped his thighs to keep from thrusting into his throat. 

James pulled back long enough to say “I’ve been dreaming of this for months Steve, your dick feels even better in my mouth than I could have imagined” before he drew it back into his mouth with a wet suck.  Steve let him continue sliding back and forth around him for a few minutes before he pulled him off far enough that only the tip remained in his mouth and pulled his head to the side so that it pushed his cheek out obscenely. 

Steve groaned at the sight before asking “What else have you been thinking of, hm?  You seem to like getting a little roughed up…did you used to think of me?  Did you bring yourself off in the shower before meeting up with me?”  James nodded as far as he was allowed while his eyes rolled back.  “Yeah?  You like thinking of me while wringing your cock, did it feel good?  Did you think of anything else?  You know what you’re doing down there…I’m doubting I’m the first cock you’ve had, no?” James hesitated, then slowly shook his head after Steve encouraged him with another soft grab of hair.

“Mmmm…anyone ever fuck you, doll?” At this James didn’t manage an answer more than a choked moan as he squeezed his eyes shut…hearing the All American Guy use the word ‘fuck’ was doing things to James he couldn’t describe.  “Is that what you want?” Steve implored, “you want me to lovingly scratch that itch deep inside you?  Bet you will take it even better than you suck” he continued to whisper has he used his thumb to massage the tip of his cock through James’ cheek, making them both shudder.  James slide off far enough to mouth “ _please_ ” before taking Steve until he felt his pubic hairs brush his nose and his balls slapped against his chin. 

“Oh _fuckkkkk_ , James…do you have any idea what you do to me?  Later, later I promise I will do that…but we have no slick out here.  And we’ve probably been out too long anyways, how about this babe:” Steve instructed as he reached down and pulled James’ hand up to his mouth.  Watching his face Steve bent down and slowly took two of his fingers into his mouth, swirling his tongue around them and getting them coated with spit.  “Finger yourself for me James, I want to watch you go off clamping around your own fingers with me in your mouth.”

James let the dick fall from his mouth in shock before he got his act together and slowly did as Steve said.  He never broke eye contact with him as he eased his hand down the back of his open pants, careful not to rub the spit off his hand and slowly began easing them one at a time inside himself.  He couldn’t reach his prostate in this position, but it was good enough knowing it was Steve’s spit inside him and watching those ridiculous lashes fluttering shut as Steve tried and failed to stifle a moan while watching the show. 

James took his own cock back up into his fist and picked up his rhythm as he allowed Steve to slowly feed his dick back into James’ mouth.  It wouldn’t take long from how close he was and as he listened to the vulgar language spewing from Steve’s mouth he was a goner.  “I can’t wait to open you up on my fingers, then slide inside you…make everyone know your mine, feel that tight ass clenching around me…bet you feel so hot and good, gonna make me see stars…oh _fuck_ yes, right there…I’m close…what are you doing with your tongue?  Holy shit…fu-…fu- _James_ ” Steve finally stuttered out as he came in James’ mouth.  He normally didn’t enjoy the taste but knowing it was Steve’s was what finally set him over the edge as he clamped down around his fingers and was overtaken by his own climax.

He came back into the world of the living with Steve now on the ground with him, holding his partly naked body against his.  James was not sure what on earth was going to happen after that and decided to stay silent and let Steve determine where this was going to go.

“Hey James, would you look at me?  How are you feeling?  Are you alright?” Steve asked as he combed his fingers through James’ hair and tucked it gently behind his ear, kissing all along the lobe and the cheek as he waited for his answer. 

“I’m good Steve, I’m good…can we just…sit here for a minute?” James breathlessly chuckled. 

“Yes, of course,” Steve smiled at him and slowly kissed all over his face ending at his mouth, where he gently kissed his lips followed by a tiny nip.  “I really, really like you James, God, can I keep kissing you?”

James answered with a smile and by pulling Steve in for more kisses, no longer with fear of how this single encounter would end and looking forward to the couple of weeks to come. 


	3. he's so bad, but he does it so well

                After James had recovered from their extremely unexpected safari adventure the two slowly meandered back to the camp.  It was a much slower go this time, with Steve driving exactly half the speed he had gone getting out there.  James had no complaints as this gave them ample time for semi-shy hand holding coupled with stolen kisses and plenty of laughter. 

                James couldn’t remember the last time he had been this happy.  He couldn’t contain the joy from spilling forth and leaped to stand on his seat with the top half of his body hanging out the Jeep’s sunroof.  “STEVE, IT’S THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFEEEE!” James screamed out before dissolving into a fit of giggles while holding his hands out as wide as he could to feel the breeze ruffling his shirt. 

                “Get back in here!  What are you doing?!” Steve scolded, though the scold held no power through his laughter.  “I’m living the dream Steve, living the dream!” James laughed back before slowly sliding back into the car before he yelped in an undignified manner as Steve slapped his ass. 

                “Jesus Steve, keep your eyes on the road!” James giggled as he settled back into his seat.

                “You might be the death of me, you know that?” Steve said while returning his eyes to the stretch of ground before them and patting his passengers leg. 

                “Well, fair is fair Stevie” James replied with a complicated smile while rolling down his window. 

                Steve turned his head to respond but when he saw James sticking his head out the window like a dog with his eyes closed he thought better of it. 

 

                                                                         

* * *

 

 

                After the Jeep pulled up to the camp and they were surrounded by the others James already started to feel uneasy.  “Erase that line from your forehead Sarg, everything will be great.  I’ll see you at dinner in a few?” Steve kidded before ducking behind the dashboard to give a tiny reassuring kiss to James hand before he got out of the car.  James took a few seconds to collect himself before he hopped out of the car and put on his carefree mask.  It shouldn’t be hard, he’s an actor, dammit.

 

                In the end it really wasn’t that hard to go with the flow.  James sat across from Steve for dinner while laughing at a story told by the crazy camera-man Dougan.  He didn’t even have to try to force a smile. 

                He wasn’t sure exactly what to expect after dinner, so when everyone was breaking up to go their separate ways he did the same after bidding them all a good night.  With a quick private smile to Steve he headed into his tent, changed into his sleep pants and pulled out the same battered soft-cover he’d been working his way through.  Trying to stave off any second thoughts of Steve he planned to read until he couldn’t keep his eyes open.  Finally he started to feel his eyes droop and he flicked off the lamp and turned on his side.

                It couldn’t have been longer than 30 seconds before he heard a rustling at his tent opening and suddenly he was wide awake as he tried to peer into the darkness.  He couldn’t make out much until the large shape bumped into his wooden crate and let out a quiet curse.  “Steve?!” James whispered incredulously “what are you doing here?”

                “AH!  You’re over there…you wouldn’t believe how hard it is sneaking into a tent in the dark.  Jesus.” Steve replied in the same whisper as he began feeling his way to James’ cot and flopped onto it next to him.  “Hi” he greeted once he was eye-to-eye with James and had sufficiently wiggled enough to upend all the blankets.

                “You’re…here?  In my tent?” James wondered briefly if he were dreaming, but if he were dreaming he wouldn’t be on the edge of his own cot. 

                “Well, yeah…I wanted to see you!  I was serious when I said that I really liked you today James, I just tossed and turned in my bed wondering what you would feel like in my arms and then I couldn’t sleep but for missing you. And I thought that it was just ridiculous to be awake missing you when I could just come over here and hold you!  Unless of course you wish that I would go…and I’ll just see you tomorrow” Steve explained before looking into James’ eyes for a response.

                In what universe would anyone ever want Steve Rogers to go when he has just confessed to wanting to hold them in his arms?  Was this guy even real? 

                “No…I’m just surprised…really, really happily surprised, stay” James murmured with a sweet kiss to his lips.  Steve hummed and pulled James to him so that he could run his fingers through the longer brown strands as James rested his cheek against Steve’s collarbone.  James sighed at the touch and rolled his head to Steve would have unhindered access to all of his head before nuzzling into his hand.

                Steve giggled “God, you’re just like a cat…you’re so sweet” before pressing a kiss to the others head and settling down.  “Tell me something James, anything at all…I just want to hear your voice some more.”

                “Hmm…alright….something sweet or something spicy?” James teased.

                Steve took a second before responding “Sweet and then spicy, yes, both, in that order…please” with a smile.

                “Okay, sweet: you remember I told you about my sister Becca?” He waited for Steve’s nod then continued “she doesn’t live too far from me and we spend a lot of time together.  She has always wanted a pet but we could never handle them growing up, but it was her birthday a few weeks before we came for filming and I brought her a kitten to celebrate being twenty one.  Tiny little thing, total ball of rags.  Grey as can be but with these piercing green eyes.  This thing can sit in the palm of your hand but it’s capable of projecting the loudest meows you’ve ever heard, I swear.  You know what she named it?  Rags.  That poor cat, went from being found in an alley to literally being called rags.  Though she loves that thing more than you would ever know, it’s a pretty sweet kitten.  You should hear how he purrs if you plop a big peck right on the tip of his nose!” James began trailing off when he caught the way Steve was looking at him with his mouth partly open in a huge grin and round eyes.

                “Oh my _god_ , where did that even come from??  I thought it would be sweet, I didn’t think it’d be that heart melting.  How can such a suave guy have such a tiny truffle center?” Steve gently kidded as he held James’ head close to his chest to chuckle into his hair.

                “Oh, can it!  You made the remark about the cat and it made me think of poor little Rags, I can’t help it!” he replied as he was half-heartedly shoving Steve’s chest away from him.

                “You better tell me the spicy thing before I start melting from the sweetness then, doll” Steve replied easily while pulling the struggling James closer to him.

                “Okay...I have a thing for thighs” he muffled into his chest.

                Steve released him with an eyebrow raised “what was that?”

                “Thighs.  I don’t know what it is about them.  But when a guy has nice, well-toned thighs in good fitting pants it just kills me a little bit.”

                Steve smirked at him a little bit before asking “well, what about my thighs then?  Do they pass your inspection?”

                “Good grief, good thing we can both fit in this tent with your ego!  It’s a pretty tight fit though.”

                “I’m serious James, what do you think?” Steve asked as he settled in a little closer to him and lightly began dragging his hand up and down James’ hip “maybe it’s silly but it’s important to me that you like them.” 

                James let his breath settle a little bit before he responded “of course I love your thighs, Jesus.  Have you seen yourself?  I was doing all I could to not look aroused the whole time you were prancing around in those damn slacks all today.”

                Steve’s breath caught before he slowly let it out and pulled James closer against him with a tiny moan.  “Well now you know how I feel about your ass!” Steve replied breezily.  “Yes!  You know that shot we had to repeat about 5 times where you get down on your stomach to peek under that tank?  The whole reason I kept forgetting my lines was because I couldn’t stop being mesmerized by how tight and perfect your ass looked and how badly I wanted to sink my teeth into it.”

                “Are you fucking kidding me right now?  Who are you?!  You are definitely not the sweet talking Steve Rogers the world pretends to know, Jesus.  It was so hot that day!  I could have come back to give you a personal show if it would have meant not sweating to death out there” James exclaimed.  “Are you like this with the dames too?  _God_.  You’re incorrigible.”

                “No…not with the dames” Steve replied a bit sadly “I’m pretty sure I do the bare minimum for dames.  I can’t help it.  But this is all for you, you have no idea what you do to me.  I won’t lie, you aren’t the first fella I’ve been with, but the way I feel is stronger than I’ve ever felt.  I’ve felt a bit feverish this whole time, honestly.” He smiled at James.

                “Ok, alright, now you’re letting that all American sweetheart Steve Rogers out” James blushed.

                “Can’t I be both for you?  The sweetheart who wants to do nothing but nuzzle into your neck and tell you sweet nothings and the incorrigible fellow who wants to pull on your hair and make you a huge mess while slowly fucking the bejesus out of you?”

                “STEVE!  Jesus _Christ._   Yes, yes, of course you can.  You realize this is my absolute dream come to life, right?  I never thought I would get one…well, to be fair I had no idea the later existed at all.  But even just getting to have the first one is more than I would have ever dared to hope…” James trailed off.

                Steve reassured him with a kiss and pulled him closer, “Now tell me more about Rags, so we can fall asleep in the sweetest way possible.”  James obliged him with a sleepy smile, telling him about the kittens antics interrupted with tiny kisses until he fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

                The next few days followed the same general pattern: James would wake up alone but have a sketch or a tiny note from Steve waiting for him next to his bed, go out for filming and business as usual, then turn out the light for Steve to crawl into bed with him until he sneaks back to his tent with the first morning light.  James for the life of him can’t remember any relationship he’s ever been in that felt like this. 

                The fourth night that Steve sneaks into James’ room the mood is different.  Instead of just slow kisses traded back and forth Steve pulls James on top of him with a groan and buries his hand in the brown locks pulling James’ mouth down to his.  After a few minutes of heated kisses Steve moves his hands to James’ thighs which are straddling his waist and starts slowly massaging them up and down while deepening the kiss.  With each swipe of Steve’s hands up his thighs James is getting wound tighter and tighter, with his breath coming a little faster.  Finally Steve uses both hands to get two meaty handfuls of ass and uses them to pull James’ crotch into him. 

                “ _Steve_ , Jesus…” James grunted out into the others neck as he felt himself harden further from the sudden pressure. 

                “Come on…that’s it sweetheart, let me feel it” Steve muttered encouragingly as he began lifting his hips up to thrust against James. 

                “Fuck….Steve…give it to me” James wheezed out as he began slowly but steadily gyrating his hips, slowly dragging forward over Steve’s hard cock with barely any pressure and then quickly thrusting back against it hard and fast.  He could actually feel Steve getting harder between passes, and if that wasn’t the hottest fucking thing he had ever felt he didn’t know what was.  “Stevie, did you mean it?  When you said you were going to fuck me good?  Please, _please_ I need you…I’ll be so good for you” he begged brokenly in between thrusts into Steve’s ear. 

                All he registered was a pained sounding noise from Steve’s throat before he found himself quickly flipped over so he was now on his back on the cot with Steve hovering over.  Steve stood up quickly and began ripping off his clothes, and James hurried to follow suit.   “No,” Steve ordered, catching James’ arm, “I want to do that myself.”

                All James could do was nod slowly, mesmerized watching Steve’s body come into view.  Christ, he knew he was perfect, but even seeing pieces of his perfection didn’t compare to the entire package on display at once.  James let out a low whistle when Steve had finally straightened up after dropping his briefs.  Wordlessly James twirled his finger in a circle and after Steve had first rolled his eyes he indulged him and did a full turn.  James couldn’t help but lick his lips at the sight of Steve’s cock huge and swollen sticking out from his taunt body with those killer toned thighs.   Steve slowly started dragging his hand along his length, “like what you see?” he smirked as he slowly sauntered over to James on the bed.

                Steve kissed his lips gently and then left a trail of kisses down his neck, pausing only to nibble at the sensitive area behind James’ ear, making him arch his back.  He slowly removed his shirt, one button at a time, kissing each inch of skin that was exposed and once it was fully undone he leaned in to take a nipple in his mouth as James hissed.  He then slowly popped the button on his pants and followed suit kissing where the button was undone and sliding the zipper down, kissing each inch of exposed briefs.  Not wanting to drag out the pants too much Steve grabbed them at the ankle and pulled them off swiftly, with only minimal wiggling required from James.  Next Steve kissed along the entire waistband of the briefs and slowly slid them off over his hips, kissing as he went. 

                Finally his throbbing dick swung free and James couldn’t help but whine a bit at the release of the confining pressure.  Steve then slid the briefs all the way off before kissing his way back up James’ legs to his crotch.  “ _Steve,_ please, no more teasing” James begged feeling like his cock could cut glass and he could embarrassingly feel tears at bay from how nice and sweet and _cherished_ he was feeling.

                In response Steve grasped the cock in his hand and slowly slid it into his mouth until it reached the back of his throat where he swallowed around it once.  By the time James’ eyes had popped back into his head Steve was already releasing his cock from his mouth and dropping it from his hand as James heaved a sob.  “Come on baby, you know I’ll treat you so good, you don’t need to worry about a thing…just roll over for me…” Steve suggested, while lovingly patting the side of James’ hip.

                James struggled to sit then rolled over onto his stomach, “like this?”

                “Mmmm…you look so good” Steve punctuated by biting James ass cheek, “but lift your ass up, get on your hands and knees..yes, that is perfect.  Now just stay like that baby, I’ll take good care of you.”

                James buried his face into the pillow to try and prevent any other unauthorized sounds from escaping while he felt Steve’s hands slowly running up and down his thighs, stopping at the base of his ass and spreading his cheeks wider.  He felt the movement stop and held his breath until he felt the hot, wet slide of Steve’s tongue over his asshole.  James froze and then released a truly embarrassing whine as he shifted to present more of himself for Steve.

                Steve chuckled at that and anchored himself to his holds on James’ ass as he began to trail his tongue all over the body in front of him.  James knew he was trying to learn what he liked best by the way he would repeat any action that caused James to squirm or shake and anything that caused him to moan he would repeat until his breath caught and he was afraid of falling to the cot.  Of fucking course Steve Rogers would be the most attentive lover in the world.  James would have shaken his head except that he couldn’t manage something that required that much coordination with how thoroughly he was being taken apart. 

                He choked on his own spit when suddenly he also felt a hand wrap around his dick which had been throbbing for so long he had begun to tune it out, though it gave a strong twitch any time Steve buried his tongue in his ass, nibbled along the rim or used his chin to press up against his taint. 

                “ _Steve_ …Steve….I can’t hold it back…”

                “Fuck you look amazing, you should see how fucked out you look right now…do you want to cum like this?  Or do you want me inside you?”

                “Fuck me, fuck me fuck me fuck me…” James demanded deliriously. 

                “Okay…but baby, I’m going to warn you, I don’t know how long I can last this time…you look so fucking good I’m already trying to hold back” Steve warned shakily as he fumbled on the side of the bed for the condom he brought and the lube.

                “Just fuck me, I don’t care, need you inside me….right now…fuck me more later” James meowled into the pillow.

                “ _Shit…._ oh _baby_ …so fucking needy, god I love this.  You’re like every fantasy I’ve ever had, I’m going to do fingers quick okay?”  He quickly lubed up his hand and slid a finger into James’ ass.  “Oh _fuckkkkk_ …babe.  You’re so good, taking it so well…Fuck this is hot.”  He took as much time as he could to loosen him up with his first finger before adding a second one then a third before James whines and pleading put him over the edge.  Steve quickly added additional slick over the condom and tightened his fingers around the base to desperately hold off cumming for a few more minutes. 

                Once he felt he had control over himself he slowly began pushing in, using one hand to anchor himself to James’ hip and used the other to guide himself.  Steve went as slowly as he dared and was mesmerized as he watched each centimeter go in and felt the incremental tightness around him when all of a sudden James rocked back against him, _hard_ , and pulled Steve in until he bottomed out.  James let out a broken moan and began shifting his ass underneath him, and Steve could do nothing but try to support himself on James’ back while he shuddered through the feeling of his ass forcefully wringing his cock. 

                “James….oh _James_ , where did you learn how to do this?  God yeah, take that cock.  You’re amazing, you’re unbelievable…”

                “Steeeeeevie, move, please please move…I’m so close” James whined out as he began shifting his hips rhythmically against Steve.  There was no way Steve couldn’t follow that demand, so he used both hands to grab James’ hips and began to fuck into him, alternating between deep slow strokes and fast shallower ones.  Eventually James’ movements became increasingly erratic and Steve started moving quickly without pulling out all the way, so that he was continually rubbing against that magical spot inside James.  James was so close to floating away that he didn’t even really need the additional hand which Steve slipped down to stroke his cock hard and fast.  James felt the tidal wave coming and quickly bit down on the pillow to stop any extremely loud groans and came growling Steve’s name. 

                While he came he was aware of how hard he had clamped down around Steve and only a few aborted thrusts later he could feel Steve pulsing with his climax inside him while Steve bit into his shoulder with a loud whine.  While Steve was still inside him James reached back to grab Steve and bring him into a kiss. 

                They kissed until Steve finally had to get up and cleaned them both up.  James fell asleep with all of his limbs still tingling and the feeling of Steve kissing his head and running his hands up and down his back, telling him how precious and good he was.

                James slept like the dead and woke up to his new scrawl of the day from Steve:

**I will never regret more that I wasn’t able to stay in bed for breakfast with you today…you have completely captured me.**


	4. you'll see me in hindsight, tangled up with you all night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next/last chapter won't take nearly as long as this one did. 
> 
> also, I have a tumblr if you all do that kinda thing: boldlyluckycheesecake  
> I have no idea what to do with it so come and say hi if you want.

                James might have been a great actor to the rest of the world, but there was no way that he could fool himself.  When he had been packing for this trip he knew he was going to be screwed; past-James had no idea what was coming.

                James was completely torn in two…torn to shreds.  He swung on a pendulum from the happiest he could remember being, the most cared for he had ever felt to being utterly heartbroken knowing his happiness was a ticking time-bomb. 

                Eight days of filming quickly flew to seven, then six, then could be counted on one hand as the nights he lived for slowly slipped away from him.  Every night after lights out Steve would sneak into his tent and they would fall apart in each other’s arms for their fleeting moments of happiness.  James doubted that the sex could have gotten better after that first night, but he was wrong.  The actions depended on if James was able to safeguard his feelings or if they would come bleeding out into their time together.  Some nights he attacked Steve with a feral intensity, marking his shoulders against the blondes wishes while riding him roughly or begging to be pounded harder and harder until tears were streaming down his face (although he assured Steve that he loved being pounded this way, he couldn’t ignore the concern in his partner’s eyes as he wiped away the tear tracks and kissed his eyelids lovingly each time).  Other nights they made love.  There was no other way to describe it.  James would slowly take Steve apart with his mouth, teasing him to the brink over and over before finally allowing him to come down his throat before covering his entire torso in kisses and holding him through the aftershocks.  Or the time that Steve held his hands with their fingers intertwined above James’ head as he slowly fucked him through two orgasms never breaking eye contact the whole time, whispering barely audible praises. 

                On their last full day of filming before they were going to begin the journey back James woke up alone like usual, clutched the daily doodle (a quick sketch of a kitten holding a rose with Steve’s dumb loopy signature) and allowed himself a moment of dejection before placing it lovingly with all the saved tokens in his wallet.  He washed up and made himself presentable but he couldn’t shake his mean streak today and he kicked his trunk closed in a mini tantrum before he went to breakfast and stared moodily at his coffee. 

Fuck both of them!  How could Steve have done this to him!  Less than 24 fucking hours left, 2 more scenes to shoot and then they were going to have to head home.  He’d have to sit next to this fucking blonde asshole on FOUR different flights this time, chatting about the weather or some other bullshit, then have to watch him scurry off in NY to hole up with his equally blonde girl to make up for lost time.  Rationally he knew that it was very unlikely that the feelings only went one way and it was doubtful that Steve would be happily bounding off the plane to leave him behind for the person he was expected to be with, but that didn’t make the fact that he would do it hurt any less. 

His good luck held out for the next hour as he ate breakfast (scowling so intensely that the rest of the team steered clear of his table) and got ready for his shoot.  Unfortunately as soon as he slipped back outside his tent to head to the area cleared for the scene he ran into the man of the hour himself. 

The majority of the day shooting actually went better than expected…no one could ever say that James wasn’t a professional of some caliber.  He managed to tamp down his feelings through the final scene which needed to be filmed in its entirety but began to fall apart during what felt like the 100th take of a stubborn scene.  Coulson actually had a pretty good take, but he had wanted to reshoot just a couple more times to make sure it was perfect.  James wasn’t sure exactly what comment set off the downward spiral, but once it started it picked up speed inevitably.   

First Coulson had mentioned multiple times how this was their “last chance” to get this done while in location which made a tiny muscle start twitching in his cheek.  Then they took lunch where the camera men were ribbing Steve to seemingly no end about how he must have a countdown going until he could hop back in bed with Sharon.  At this James felt the fork in his hand start to bend before he left and turned his back on the table to finish his break time scowling at the ground.  He was ready to spit nails when Coulson lined them up and had them go through their lines a few more times. 

“James, look, about what happened back there I’m real sorry, I talked to the guys and…”

“Stop Steve.  Just, don’t.  Let’s just get through this then we can move on with our lives” James interrupted tersely while trying to school his face appropriately for the scene.  Unfortunately Steve just wouldn’t let it go though – “C’mon James, you know that’s not what this is like…they shouldn’t have said anything…” Steve whispered to him as he took his position.

“What are you talking about Steve?  That is EXACTLY what it is.  You going to tell me it isn’t?” James whispered tersely at him as his temper began to flare and he couldn’t help give Steve a little push against his chest.  “Tell me…tell me you’re not just going to forget this, that you’re going to have something of me besides memories…tell me you aren’t just going to fucking break my heart you prick!” he whispered as loudly as he dared, accentuating each outburst with a shove to the taller man’s chest.  Steve just stood gaping at him as James felt his eyes start to cloud over as he gave him a final shove harsh enough that Steve lost his balance backing into some filming equipment.  “That’s what I thought” he murmured as he walked away quickly as he could.  Fuck Coulson, they had enough shots, they’d scrape something together.

He walked for a few miles away from camp, settling at a small place the crew would frequently visit where he could safely sit out of the dirt on a dried tree root pouting for a few hours before slowly making his way back to camp.  He knew he should apologize to Steve, but he couldn’t bear it.  So he swung silently through the kitchen and grabbed some scraps for dinner before sneaking into his tent…only to come face to face with the one and only Steve Rogers laying spread eagle on his bed with his face buried in James’ pillow.

James apparently didn’t muffle his resigned sigh well enough, as Steve immediately spun around to watch him cautiously.  James just stared at him to belay the fact that he was sure as hell not starting this conversation.  Finally Steve gave an answering sigh and made room for James on the cot next to him and held his arms open…not at all what James was expecting as his eyes began to burn, torn between wanting to be held by his love and wanting to save himself from even more hurt. 

“Please James…please join me?”  Jesus, Steve’s voice was shot to shit, at least James wasn’t alone in being an emotional wreck.  James knew he wasn’t strong enough to resist and slowly joined him, wimpering when Steve wrapped his arms around him and pulled him closer.

James closed his eyes against the burn as he began to whisper “I hate you.  No, I wish I hated you.  And isn’t that just the biggest bitch.  I knew I would come on this trip to get to ogle you for a few weeks before I forced myself passed this crush but now I’m done for Steve.  I was in danger of falling for you before, and now I don’t know if I’ll ever get up.  I love you, did you know that?  _I fucking love you_.  And how awful is that?  I’ve never loved anyone…I’d wondered if I had in the past, but I just KNOW with you.  I know how this ends.  I’m not stupid.  But I saw it coming, and now it has come.  I made my bed, fell irrevocably in love with you while the sand fell through the hour glass and now I just have to pack it back in my trunk to go away forever.  I love you, I really do Stevie.  But that also makes me fucking _hate you_.  Because I gave my heart to someone who I knew would end up breaking it.”  He finally peters out with a sniffle.

He felt Steve stroking his hair in the way that he loved, “…would it make it easier or harder James?  If I told you it wasn’t just you, that I love…”  James began crying in earnest as he slid his hand over Steve’s mouth.  “ _Stop,_ Steve, just fucking stop.  Don’t you dare say it.  Don’t you fucking dare” James hissed at him while forcing his mouth closed.  He only finally pulled his hand away from Steve’s face when he felt a slight wetness on the top of his hand and feather-light kisses all over his palm.  His hands progress was halted as Steve wrapped James’ wrist in his hand and began wetly kissing all over his fingertips and down his wrist.

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry… _fuck_ doll, I’m so sorry…I can never apologize enough…” Steve murmured into his skin in between kisses.  When Steve apparently deemed his hand and wrist kissed sufficiently he kissed his way up James’ arm, slowing as he got closer and closer to his neck.  James stifled a groan as he felt Steve slowly kissing his way up his neck and began sucking on the sensitive spot just under his ear.  James ran his hand up the back of Steve’s head and grasped a handful of blonde hairs as he pulled their faces together. 

“Fuck you Steve.  _Fuck you._   Goddammit, I hate you.  I hate you _so much_.” James whined before slotting their mouths together in a punishing kiss.  Their kisses were normally either sweet or sexy as hell, unlike this one filled with clashing teeth and James taking over Steve’s mouth with his tongue.  “I know, _I know_ …I hate me too” Steve pleaded when James took a breath to bite down roughly on his plump lower lip. 

“I’ll give you something to fucking remember me by” James promised as he quickly ripped Steve’s shirt off, quickly followed by his pants and briefs.  He only gave him a moment of reprieve before he began sucking bruises into his neck and down his chest and roughly fisting his cock, stroking him to hardness.  “ _Unnghh, yes_ , mark me James…I’m all yours” Steve begged deliriously as he began to squirm beneath him.   James kissed bruises all the way down to his crotch before sucking hard at the tip of his dick then licking it from the base to the tip repeatedly.

 “Watch me Steve,” James demanded “watch how good I make this for you” before he stared deeply into those baby blues as he slowly lowered his mouth along his length.  He slowly drew Steve to the edge as he gave him the best damn blowjob he’d ever given in his life.  When he felt Steve’s hips stuttering against him James moved his hands to the back of his head and encouraged him to grab his hair.  Steve took the hint, fisting his fingers into his sleek hair and thrusting all the way into James’ throat like they both loved.  James snapped his fingers to get Steve’s attention to remind him to keep eye contact.  As he watched Steve’s flushed face and hanging mouth he slowly allowed his eyes to roll back as he moaned and exaggerated his gagging.  “FUCK… _fuck fuck_ James, I’m…” Steve tried to utter before James slowly pulled the entire way off his dick and gave him a positively evil smile as Steve’s hips began thrusting abortively into the air. 

James allowed Steve one moment of panic to consider that he might not actually be allowed to finish before James knelt between his knees and started jacking his hand along his length quickly.  As Steve’s moans became breathier James maintained eye contact as he slowly lowered his face to be lower than Steve’s throbbing dick and gave kitten licks to the tip.  Steve shuddered and began shooting his load as James finally shut his eyes and allowed his orgasm to slowly cover his face.  Once he felt the flow of Steve decrease he opened his eyes slowly and used his tongue to lap up the cum from around his mouth as Steve fucking _whimpered._ “I’m yours Steve…all yours” James muttered as sultry as he could manage.

Steve let out an animalistic growl and the next thing James knew he was being aggressively lifted from under his arms and thrown bodily on the bed.  As he lay on his back he felt Steve removing his clothing as quickly as he could, using his discarded shirt to quickly mop up the rest of James’ face before settling himself.  He then felt his legs lift over Steve’s broad shoulders as those perfect pink lips took him to the hilt.  James didn’t even fucking care about being polite right now and began lifting up his hips, fucking Steve’s face as soon as he felt his tip hit the back of his throat.  It didn’t appear that Steve minded too much judging by the positively wrecked moans he was releasing with each thrust. 

Soon Steve reached his fingers up for James to suck on which he quickly obliged.  Steve pulled his fingers out of his mouth and began tracing around his opening while he slowed his aggressive cock sucking, backing off completely and lightly licking the tip.  Then without warning he sunk a finger completely into James at the same time he swallowed his full length.  With so much pleasure from both sides James couldn’t help the sounds that escaped him as Steve quickly loosened him up before adding another, scissoring his fingers. 

“Lay down” James panted as he extricated himself from Steve’s hold and then snatched the slick from next to his bed, giving Steve’s hardened dick a quick suck before coating it.  He clamored gracelessly on top of him holding himself perched with Steve’s tip barely beginning to breach him.  “Remember this…” James commanded as he watched Steve’s eyes get glossy, “no one can ride you like I can.”  Steve frantically shook his head in agreement as James held onto those fucking perfect pectorals and slid himself down until Steve was completely seated in him in one smooth motion.  They both gaped at each other for a few minutes as James watched the tendons in Steve’s throat tightening and contracting.  As soon as he seemed to have calmed down James slowly raised himself up so only the tip was still embedded in him before using all his conscious effort on tightening his ass as much as possible before thrusting down, _hard._  Steve scratched at his hips and positively howled as James set up a rhythm of bouncing on his dick, sporadically tightening his hole to squeeze more pleasure out of both of them.  He rode him, tantalizingly keeping the same pace until sweat was trickling down his back and Steve was turning red.  He slowly began fisting his own leaking cock and swore at the rush of pleasure running through his body.

As much as he was loving slowly torturing them both to the brink his own body was starting to cry for release and his thighs could not take any more work.  He gently adjusted his angle so that with each thrust Steve’s tip was kissing against his prostrate.  “Right there….fuck me Steve…fuck me so hard…make me never fucking forget you.  Unngh, _yes._ ” He moaned uncontrollably as Steve grabbed his hips and took over, fucking him as hard as he could while tears started to fill his eyes.  “I love you Steve… _fuck_ , I love you.  I hate you, I hate you _so much_.... _unfff, oh god YES”_ James’s blinked back tears as his orgasm was ripped from his body.  He felt Steve silently holding him to his chest as he fucked into him as deeply as he could before he stilled and went off again himself.  They both lay there catching their breath in the semi-darkness.

The silence in the tent was deafening.

Slowly Steve pulled out of James and used the same dirty shirt to wipe them both down.  Then he got back into bed and pulled the smaller man flush against his body and began whispering apologies into his hair.  Steve never said anything about the snuffling noises coming from James, and James never said anything about the wetness he felt on the back of his neck. 

 

When James woke up for the last time in his tent he didn’t need to look up to know he was alone in his cot.  He couldn’t remember ever being this emotionally exhausted, at least he was sure to pass out on the flight later that day.  He tried to squash the hope he felt in his chest as he looked for his morning doodle.  All he found though was the prepared blank piece of stationary and an uncapped pen…what else was there to say, really?  It was a fitting end, James supposed. 


	5. say you'll see me again even if it's just pretend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come chat with me about all things stucky and gay on [tumblr](http://boldlyluckycheesecake.tumblr.com)
> 
> special shout out to StarMoon_5...because this fic was about to get abandoned after chap 2 without the pompom waving and cheering.
> 
> hope you all like it, this has been a blast. in my defense it is TOTALLY possible that the video actually ended this way ;)

                The return trip wasn’t as bad as James would have thought…mostly that was because he alternated his time sleeping and burying himself in his books.  Any interactions with Steve were neutral and James found he was able to cover his feelings with a numb-blanket until he was on his own again.  When he only managed a weak smile to the crew’s jokes they must have just chalked it up to exhaustion from filming.

                He managed to pull himself together for the last couple of weeks of filming and if Steve’s eyes were a bit red some mornings when they ran into each other on set, well, no one seemed to ever say anything.  As much as James wanted to hate Steve whole-heartedly he couldn’t.  When they were on set together they still had just as much chemistry.  It was just as before except now the knife twisted in his gut with the memory of how Steve’s calloused palms would feel on his skin instead of just the fantasy of it.  Steve seemed to still gravitate to spend his free time in James’ space and though the first days James refused he did miss having his friend on set and couldn’t stop naturally warming back up to him.  They had finally gotten to the point where their conversations didn’t feel completely forced when filming was drawing to a close.  The next official time that James would see Steve was a couple of months later at the movie’s premier. 

                These couple of months actually flew past as James threw himself into the holy trifecta: working around the clock on his newest role, whiskey and casual sex with random blonde guys.  He did realize that he was being pathetic, but at this point he couldn’t really be bothered to care.  Not surprisingly his plan to “get over Steve” was not going particularly well.  No one else caught his attention like that stupid blonde did.  And no one made him see stars when he climaxed like Steve had.  Time would heal all, right?  Unfortunately not only had the sex been amazing but he had really clicked with Steve outside the bedroom as well.  He missed those midnight chats and how Steve radiated warmth when he wrapped James in his arms.  He wished he was strong enough to throw out all the morning doodles, but in reality they had just moved from his wallet to his bedside table.  Was this more or less pathetic?  He wasn’t really sure so he stopped wondering. 

 

                Finally the last night of torture was upon him: the premier.  As one of the leads James was expected to make a grand entrance and thankfully Natasha had been ecstatic to be his “date” (it didn’t hurt that during a drunken night with her he had told her everything so she knew he’d need extra support).  She had gone crazy finding the slinkiest dress she could find and had dragged him out to get a brand new suit. 

So when their driver pulled up to the red carpet and James got out then helped Natasha stand out of the car he knew they looked _good_.  Following the cheers surrounding their entrance they waved and posed for a few photos before James had a moment to scan the surrounding crowd to see who was around.  It only took a few moments before his eyes stumbled upon Steve.  _Steve.  Christ,_ James had forgotten how completely gorgeous this man was.  He was wearing a dark navy suit which accentuated his narrow waist…had he lost weight?  He looked a bit less filled out than James remembered…

                James finally tore his eyes away from the cut of the suit to meet Steve’s eyes.  James flushed a tiny bit when he realized that the other man had been watching him already and there was no way to disguise how blatantly he had checked him out.  Judging by the sheer intensity which Steve was watching James though he didn’t seem to mind. 

                Seemingly out of nowhere Sharon pulled herself up to kiss her distracted other and James watched as Steve jumped out of skin at the contact, then turned to the cameras which were on them and gave her a quick peck on the cheek.  James felt like he’d landed a punch to the gut.  He tried to silently gasp in a breath as he felt Natasha’s hand slide into his and he grasped her fingers as his lifeline.  He continued to hold onto her like the life-vest which was keeping him afloat as she led him breezing past his costars and followed her in giving them easy hellos.  James pretended to kiss Sharon’s cheek as he was expected and then felt something crack deep inside him as Steve offered him the expected handshake. 

                Once their hands met they made some idle chit-chat.  It had been too long to keep holding his hand, but Steve’s eyes seemed to plead to him and he allowed himself to hope that he wasn’t the only one feeling this thread between them.  Thank god for Natasha who swept in mentioning that she needed to powder her nose and requesting that James accompany her.  He followed her numbly to wait outside the powder room with his head buried in his hands until she rejoined him and wrapped her arms around him.  “We just need to get through the movie James, then you’re home free…I’ll be right here…and I have a flask hidden in my purse if we get desperate” she winked at him and he huffed a laugh into her neck.  As if on cue the lights indicated that everyone was supposed to take their seats and James offered ‘Tasha his arm to properly escort her like the gentleman he pretended to be. 

 

* * *

 

 

                When they arrived at the inner theatre doors the pair was quickly escorted to their reserved seats.  _Of fucking course_ they were seated the row behind Steve and Sharon, just offset by a seat so that James had a perfect view of Steve’s profile and was seated directly behind Sharon.  Hearing the rustling behind them Steve turned and caught James’ eyes before flushing a brilliant red and turning back to face the screen.  James clenched his eyes shut and sent up a silent prayer to anyone who might be listening above as Sharon snaked her hand behind her man and started massaging his neck.  It should have probably been relaxing for the blonde if he wasn’t stiff as a rock with his shoulders up at his ears.  Steve’s discomfort didn’t ease the glare which James leveled at them until the lights went off. 

                The movie was… _Jesus._  It was artfully done but to James’ eyes it was clear what the emotions running through both his and Steve’s eyes in the film were.  He sunk a bit into his seat and bit his lip at how clear his eyes gave Steve’s a loving caress even though the characters were discussing battle plans over a Jeep hood.  Natasha leaned over and whispered in his ear “…weren’t these filmed in the first few weeks of filming?  In New York?”  James nodded stiffly at her as they both watched as film Steve gave film James a warm, soft smile with eyes sparkling that was completely inappropriate for the moment.  “Oh James…” she muttered and slipped her small hand into his while resting her head on his shoulder.

                They got through most of the movie that way.  To James’ shock the audience seemed completely captured by the movie and it appeared that the looks of longing on both characters were only recognized by the three in on the secret.  The movie was starting to reach its climax as the Africa filmed scenes began.  James choked in a breath and squeezed Natasha’s hand as the scene they reshot until he pushed Steve over on that last day played.  Steve heard the intake and softly turned his head a fraction and caught James’ eyes.  As they watched each other Sharon noticed his head tilted seemingly towards hers and met him with a kiss. 

                Too much.  This was _too fucking much._  

                He didn’t care how he looked or who was watching.  He quickly squeezed Natasha’s hand with a whispered apology and began climbing out of the row as stealthily as possible.  Once he reached the aisle he all but ran to the exit.  He caught himself at the last moment and slipped out a side door to avoid the press and made it to where his car was parked around the back without notice.  Luckily his hired driver didn’t ask him any questions and silently drove him home as James clenched his eyes together and buried his face in his hands. 

                James did not recognize his driver, Jon, but Jon recognized him.  They frequented the same clubs and even though he admired James greatly he knew better than to inform him of this.  Recently when Jon had been sitting at the bar nursing his drink of the night he couldn’t help to notice James had been coming in more frequently and that he always drug similar looking men into the bathroom with him: tall, blonde and solid.  Jon was not a stupid man and it didn’t take more than catching sight of the new movie poster to put two and two together.  As he glanced into the rearview mirror as drove away his eyes caught on a blond figure running out into the street behind them.  His foot hesitated above the brake petal until he heard an undisguised sniffle from his crumpled charge in the backseat and drove on. 

        

* * *

 

        James had just settled with a second glass of whiskey after downing the first one, throwing off his suit jacket and carrying the whole bottle over to the couch with him when he heard the knocking on his door.  He put his glass down and slowly stood up while using the bottom of his shirt to try and make his face look presentable…really he was a bit surprised that Tasha had decided to come by…he figured she would have to wipe up his mess with some sort of lie and then she could have at least enjoyed herself at the party.  As he passed the hall mirror on the way to the door he spared a quick glance.  _Jesus…_ he looked like shit.  At least he didn’t have anyone left to bother impress as he sighed and unlocked the door, pulling it into him and froze.

                Instead of his slight redheaded friend he was face-to-face with his (not really “his”) tall Adonis.  His huge chest was heaving as if he’d run up the stairs to his apartment.  Steve’s face racked up his body and when they got to his red, splotchy face and still glistening eyes his breath caught painfully.  Then Steve slowly lifted his hands to James’ face as if he was moving through molasses and used his thumbs to gently caress the still lingering tear tracks on his face.  As James stood completely thunderstruck Steve slowly leaned in and kissed the tears away which were threatening to fall, caught in his eyelashes.  James slowly stepped back into his apartment as Steve kept his face in his hands and followed him in.  As soon as the door had slipped shut behind them it was as if a switch had been flipped as James balled his hands in the smooth navy suit and slammed their bodies together against the closed door. 

                Steve whined as his back hit the door and James attacked his open mouth in a searing kiss.  Though the kisses were frantic and heated they lacked the underlying violence of their last encounter and James found himself melting slowly into Steve’s body.  Soon James was whimpering into his mouth as Steve began running his hands all over his dress shirt and pulled their chests impossibly closer.  “ _Steve…_ ” James breathed as the other man buried his head into James’ starched shirt collar.  He closed his eyes to the sensations as Steve began speaking.

                “James, please let me finally tell you: I love you.  I love you more than I know what to do with.  I can never make up for the past few months, but please let me try.  I’m so sorry.” Steve punctuated his words with kisses along James’ neck as he angled his face to give Steve better access to that tender spot right behind his ear.  “You saw…there was no way you didn’t.  I’ve loved you since we began filming, it’s always been you.  You saw, everyone who is going to watch that movie can’t deny it.  Please, please have me.  We can be whatever you want, whatever you need…” Steve trailed off as he nibbled on that sensitive patch of skin and James keened against him.

                “I can’t keep it up Steve.  I can’t watch you with Sharon or anyone else.  If we do this then we have to do it all the way…you can’t keep breaking my heart.  What will happen tomorrow morning?”

                “I don’t care about her James.  We’re done.  I can’t keep pretending.  If it was just me then I could bear the heartache, knowing you were happy.  But I can’t hurt you for one more moment…I’d choose you in a heartbeat.  Please have me.  All yours, for as long as you want.  Let me kiss you before bed every night and finally get to see how adorable you look when you wake.  I want to cook for you, and dance with you, and spend every moment showing you how much you mean to me…will you give me that chance?  I know I don’t deserve it…but please?” Steve’s voice broke on the last word and he pulled back to look into James’ eyes and slowly pushed the hair out of his face. 

                James answered by pulling Steve to him by his collar and gently kissing his lips, pouring as much love as he could into this kiss.  When he finally pulled back Steve looked dazed and hopeful as James slowly ran his thumb over Steve’s lips.  Steve looked about as out of it as James felt and he was having trouble formulating any sort of response to that.  This was never in a million years the outcome he thought could come about.  It still didn’t feel real.

                He continued to try to process as he continually ran his thumb over Steve’s plush lower lip as his thumb lightly caught on a rough path and he watched a full-body shiver run through the other man.  Steve looked up from under his lashes into James’ eyes as he slowly kissed his thumb, causing a crash of emotion to rush through James, so much he felt sick with it.

                “ _Mine_ ” James all but growled as he pulled Steve in roughly and started to kiss him possessively.  Steve melted against him like warm butter with a sigh and answering “ _Yours.”_ They continued to kiss against the door until Steve began unbuttoning his shirt and kissing his collar bones.  James made a slight noise “We’re not doing this on my hall floor, bedroom” he directed and then squealed as Steve pulled him up by the back of his knees to carry him bridal-style. 

                “Now where is this threshold so that I can carry you over it?” Steve smirked at him.  James quickly directed him to the bedroom where Steve gently placed him in the middle of the bed and immediately resumed undressing James.  If James thought that Steve removed his clothes slowly the first time they had sex it was nothing compared to the absolute reverence that Steve treated it with this time around.  Every inch of skin exposed received kisses, licks, sometimes tiny bites and praise.  By the time Steve finally pulled off his briefs his dick was a solid weight swaying upon its freedom, dribbling precome. 

                “Oh _god_ , did I miss you…” Steve muttered as he kissed all around the sensitive head and James gasped as he slowly took him into his mouth.  He set up a slow rhythm of sliding James into his mouth and back out as he used his tongue to tickle the tip whenever it was near his lips.  He only stopped briefly when James twisted away from him to open his bedside drawer and shoved a jar of slick into his hand with a plea.  Steve slicked up his fingers and resumed sucking off James as he slowly eased a finger into him. 

“Steve…” James gasped beneath him as he struggled to pull Steve’s finger further into him without forcing himself too far down Steve’s throat.  Steve only moaned as he began setting up a rhythm fingering his ass until James had relaxed enough that he was able to slip in a second finger.  James met the second one with a gasp that told Steve everything he needed to know as he felt his cock twitching in his mouth.

                “That’s it baby, come for me.  Want it all.  Give it to me, let me know you’re all mine…” Steve encouraged him as he hooked his fingers and began rubbing insistently against the tender ball of nerves inside James.  Steve was barely able to get his mouth back around James before the later keened up against him with a breathless moan as he began flooding Steve’s mouth.  He moaned and swallowed it down so he could continue to suckle on the tip, until James pushed him off. 

                It was then that James looked up at him with hooded eyes and realized the situation.  “Jesus Christ Steve, I didn’t even realize you’ve been dressed to the nines this whole time.  Get that shit off and come hold me” James demanded and then watched as Steve smiled and began the process of taking off his suit.  James continued to watch and began to frown as his suspicion was confirmed that Steve did seem to have lost a bit of weight since he had seen him naked last.  He was still built like a god, but he seemed a little slimmer overall and his soft places seemed a bit less full.  As Steve settled down to join him James frowned and ran his hands over his body, eyes slowly meeting Steve’s and his eyebrows asking the question without needing to talk out loud.

                “Are my thighs still alright?” Steve asked with a laugh covering in the most self-conscious voice James had ever heard come from the man.  “Oh my god, are you serious right now?” James implored as he lightly slapped his chest, “yes, of course they are.  I love you.  And I love your thighs.  But what..?”

                “I’m not proud to say that I’ve been a bit of a wreck since we stopped filming.  I promise it’ll be fine and go back to normal, I just didn’t feel much like taking care of myself…” Steve trailed off.  “Oh _Steve_ …” James muttered as he pulled him in for a tight hug and began kissing him again in earnest.  “To be fair, I’m pretty sure I’ve only maintained my calorie count through copious amounts of booze, so I don’t know if that’s much better” James continued with a self-deprecating smile.

                “No more of that, for either of us” Steve said with finality as he pulled James on top of him to continue the kissing.  It didn’t take much longer before James had recovered from his orgasm and he lined himself up on top of Steve so that the man’s cock slid between his ass cheeks and every slide ended with James’ cock sandwiched between their bodies.  They continued kissing, moaning and rubbing against each other until James could not wait anymore.  He slowly slicked up Steve’s naked cock rolled over to lie on his back. 

                “Take me Steve.  Please…come make me yours…” he implored as he pulled Steve on top of him.  Steve slowly lined himself up between James’ legs and settled his weight on his elbows as he slowly pushed himself inside.  He got halfway in before he had to readjust and pulled his body further up James’ so that he could push all the way inside.  Once he could feel his pelvis flat against James’ sit bones he allowed himself to fall apart to the tight, warmth that surrounded him and groaned into James’ shoulder as he shuddered through it.  They lay there for a few moments, looking into each other’s eyes as Steve slowly moved the dark hair from in front of his face and gently, gently placed a kiss on his lips.  They continued to kiss chastely in complete opposition to the position they were in for a few moments until James broke away and began urging Steve to move with his legs. 

                Steve set up a rhythm from where he was, pulling halfway out of him then pushing back in until he bottomed out.  It was perfect.  Finally James was full and complete.  He couldn’t help the tears which began filling his eyes, happy ones unlike those he shed the last time they did this.  Steve looked down into his face with his own eyes tearing up, “I know baby, I know” he chuckled and smiled at James then gave him another small kiss. 

                It was too good to last much longer.  It was too sweet and too emotionally overwhelming.  James already felt like he was going to burst, but he was greedy and wanted even more.  “Deeper Steve…please, _please_ …I know you can do it…” James began pleading as he tried to grind down further onto Steve.  “Please, I want you so far inside me I can feel you in my _throat_ when I come…”

                “ _Fuck,_ fuck…. _goddamn_ James...” Steve whined as he took both of James’ ankles in his hand, leading him to bend his knees and pushing his legs up to fold him in half.  “ _Yesss…yes,_ oh god yes, more!  Yours, I’m all yours, mark me Steve” James begged as he felt Steve filling him impossibly fuller.

                Once James’ legs were settled where Steve wanted them he gently placed his hands right where James’ head settled on his neck, so that his first finger was just below each ear and his thumbs slowly stroked the sides of his cheeks.  He had no intention of choking him (though he knew people were into that) but just wanted James to feel as surrounded and held as possible.  Under his hands he could feel James quick pulse and had to put all of his efforts into not coming the second he looked into James’ huge eyes that tracked his every motion.  He used this new hold as leverage as he rutted up into James as far as he could go. 

                He leaned down to lave the man’s face with kisses and groaned as he felt himself slide even further into that unbelievable tightness.  “I love you…. _unff_ …James, baby….oh god, _sweetheart_ …I can’t last much longer…” Steve managed to grunt out between kisses.  “Please Steve…close…give it to me…want to feel your come so deep inside me…’sall I want… _pleaseee_ ” James gasped out brokenly as he keened as much as he could in his constrained position. 

                “ _Fuck!...._ it’s all yours James, forever yours.  I love you so much…so fucking much… _fuck_ ” Steve quickly was approaching his orgasm as James followed close behind.  James had never in his life felt so complete.  Steve was further in him, claiming him where no one else had claimed him before and with his hands on his jaw he felt completely warm and cradled.  With a quiet whine James felt Steve push as far into him as he could go, sliding them both up the bed with his thrust and began feeling a tingle inside himself further than he could believe from Steve’s come.  With that he dug his nails into Steve’s biceps and shuddered through a nearly silent orgasm. 

                Once they were both able to breath normally again Steve quickly found the bathroom and came back with a warm cloth which he wiped them both down with before throwing into a corner of the room near the closet.  He pulled James as close as they could get their bodies and pulled the covers over them.  After a few muttered ‘I love you’s they both fell asleep wrapped up in each other.

                The next morning James slowly woke up to find himself alone and he bolted up in bed in a panic.  That is until he heard a familiar whistling from his kitchen and found the note on his bedside table, a quick sketch of the two of them in their suits from last night but holding hands sitting on a Jeep in front of what appeared to be a sunrise and a simple “I don’t want you to face another sunrise alone.  I love you.”  James smiled at it and was just sliding it into the drawer with the others as Steve returned to him.  He balanced two cups of coffee precariously on the bedside table before sliding back into the covers for a proper good morning kiss.

 

* * *

 

                The movie went on to be a complete success, though there was a fraction of fans who insisted behind closed doors that the love between the main two male leads seemed a bit less than brotherly.  Years and years later the two confirmed bachelor stars who had conveniently been living together since the movie came out also came out at a large Pride rally.  The movie went on to become one of the most famous cult-classic films still watched and even after all this time the love on the actors faces is as clear to those who watch as it was to Natasha that day in the theatre.

                When the aged-cameraman Dugan was contacted for an interview by an LGBT film-group to mark the 60th anniversary of the movie the questions turned to how the rest of the crew who had spent time on the production had taken the revelation of the stars clandestine relationship in present day.  “Well, of course it didn’t come as a surprise to any of us who went on that trip with them…” he slowly responded, much to the confusion of the interviewer.  He laughed at the interviewers face, “Oh come on, we were staying in TENTS!  They didn’t even have doors, let alone any sort of sound proofing!”

               

               

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm thinking there will be 4/5 chapters, depending on how people are liking this. 
> 
> obviously I do not own anything involved in the Marvel Universe, these characters, or the song that inspired this. I do not own or take credit for any of the song lyrics that make up the title or the chapter titles.  
> I don't have a beta and this is pretty much the only thing I've written that isn't just 100% porn (of course porn is coming though) so let me know what you think!


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